In this post I want to continue sharing some thoughts about parenting with astrology. I talked about how Evolutionary Astrology can help you to see your child, really see into their souls, understand their evolutionary needs, appreciate their talents and strengths, gain the detachment necessary to develop greater patience for their shortcomings and challenges and find ways to support them to grow through their challenges.
It is the importance of detachment in parenting that I would like to discuss further in this post. I believe it takes a certain level of healthy detachment to be an effective parent.
What do I mean by healthy detachment?
First, let’s define detachment. Collins English Dictionary defines detachment as, “the feeling of not being personally involved in something or of having no emotional interest in it.” We all know that having and raising children requires personal involvement and emotional interest. Otherwise there is the possibility of neglect. A healthy detachment is simply the ability to maintain greater objectivity with our children. In other words to be detached not from our children or caring for them but from our own biases, prejudices, and most importantly, the expectations that we have of our children. When any of those are operating, we cannot see our young ones clearly for who they are, where they are going and what they need.
I’ll share an example from my own life that perhaps some of you can relate to. I have two sons and when my sons were reaching the age when I had to make a decision about where they would go to school, I got very excited about the possibility of sending them to a Waldorf school in town. I had become familiar with Waldorf education through a close friend and the more I learned about it the more I fell in love with it because the philosophy and the aesthetics fit my own likings, personality, emotional nature, etc. I had to convince the boys’ dad that it was the right choice and he finally conceded. Kindergarten for my older son proved to be a good experience and a delightful one for me. I felt at home and nurtured in the Waldorf environment.
When my son got to first grade things began to change. He started to become really disruptive in the classroom and no matter what we tried it didn’t get any better. It only continued to get worse. I kept giving the benefit of the doubt to the teacher and the system instead of my son. I don’t recall what prompted the change but I’m grateful that I was able to muster up enough detachment to see clearly what needed to happen and that I was the one that belonged in the Waldorf school, not my son. I moved him to a public school and he settled right down. Granted, we lived in a small, close knit, progressive community in Northern California where, for the most part the public schools were really wonderful. The kids got a lot of personal attention and there was a strong emphasis on the arts. Had he been placed in a setting that was more impersonal and rigorously academic I don’t think he would have faired as well.
So, let’s take a look at the astrology of this situation. When I look for how a child learns and what kind of education would best suit that child, I look at the overall gestalt of the chart but I zero in on a couple of important placements that describe the child’s emotional temperament and more specifically the way they think and learn. For the temperament I look at the sign and placement of the Moon and I look at Mercury and the 3rd house to determine more specifically what kind of education would be most suitable.
I can’t discuss the particulars of my son’s chart but suffice to say that his emotional temperament and learning style weren’t suited for the Waldorf approach to education beyond kindergarten. I can, however, discuss my own chart, and the personal draw to Waldorf education.
The Moon in my natal chart is in Sagittarius in the 3rd house and Mercury is in Leo in the 10th house. For a child with a Moon in the 3rd house, knowledge and learning is highly emphasized. Knowledge provides a sense of safety and security and the learning environment needs to reflect the connection between emotional safety and security and learning so it is important that there be a resonance or synchronization between the child’s personal rhythm, emotional well being and that of the environment (educational environment in this case) in order for them to feel safe enough to explore their curiosities and to express themselves. Pressure from a “non supportive” environment to adapt will feel quite stressful to the child with a third house Moon. This child is more sensitive than most to impressions from the environment. It is very important that they feel cared for and nurtured within the learning environment.
The Sagittarian influence indicates a need to understand the meaning behind things. An educational environment that would support this need would be one with a strong philosophical and possibly even spiritual foundation. There is also a need to be in an environment that encourages authentic expression and exploration of the environment and one that supports exploration and learning from interactions with nature. At the same time there is also a need for something more relaxed, casual and playful.
Mercury in Leo in the 10th house indicates that this child is a creative thinker and that creative self expression and learning in a creative setting and manner would be most important. Leo and Sagittarius share an emphasis on the importance of purpose and meaning. The 10th house among other things has to do with the authorities in one’s life. It would be of paramount important to have the child’s creative learning style and need for creative expression accepted and encouraged by important authority figures in the child’s life. The 10th house is also about alignment so learning needs to also have a practical application and be useful and productive. Caution would need to be taken to ensure that the child was in an environment that would encourage these things but not to the point of rigidity.
There’s always a lot more that can be said on this subject. In fact it could be the subject of an entire reading but you get the picture. My tendency as a young parent was to project my needs on to my child. I think in the end it was my sensitivity to the possibility that my child felt repressed by a system of education that didn’t resonate with his needs that allowed me to see clearly and detach from my own needs.
Having insight into our attachments to how things should be for our children, how they should behave or what they should be doing is not an easy task. Being able to step away from ourselves and examine with objectivity our personal preferences, biases, prejudices and expectations requires conscious awareness; an open-minded curiosity and desire to know who we are first. Only then are we able to see our children as the individuals they are instead of extensions of ourselves. If we don’t know ourselves, understand our motivations and personal desires, we don’t stand a chance at knowing our children.
For those of you that are “air” challenged objective thinking may not come naturally. What I mean by “air” challenged is having a low number of planets occupying air signs in your own natal chart. It is the air element that gifts us with the ability to reflect on our inner reality, be objective in any given situation, relationship or with ourselves. Air promotes open mindedness and creates opportunity to look at and suspend our own biases, expectations and projections. Air offers us perspective and perspectives other than the ones that we have and are attached to. It is through the function of air that we can gain self-understanding. This is where astrology serves as a powerful tool. With Evolutionary Astrology the knowledge needed to see our children as individual souls with unique evolutionary needs is immediately accessible. Taking advantage of astrological insights gifts us with the detachment needed to allow our children to have their needs met and have a greater chance at a happy and fulfilling life.
Astrology for the family 